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August 10
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Back to spending days staring at a screen.

Back to hearing my mother yell at how terrible my grades are.
Anything less than A+ is horrid I suppose.

I fear I'm just a moron, perhaps I really am just stupid.
A few A-'s and another couple basic A's but you will once again focus on the B+.

As if I'm not already stressed out.
Stress, obsess, I'm just worthless.

The four question quick checks I can't afford to miss anything.
I will inevitably miss that third question and my grade will drop some more.

It would be easier to focus behind a desk.
With out you freaking out, and the Tv blaring.

But other kids are mean, I fear that they will bully me.
They whisper and I think they speak about me.

So I stay home, instead.
My fear of people, of walking those halls alone, lonely.

Another year.  
My social anxieties being allowed to grow stronger.

But maybe this time you won't critique me so harshly.
(Wishful thinking.)

I won't achieve the perfection of straight A+ 's.
Even though thats why I strive for.

I try and try and try, but sometimes I will fail.
Because I'm human.

Another year of giving up and self hatred.
Another year just waiting to leave.
I go to online school, and it sucks. But its not as bad as regular school. Rarely any poeple to deal with on here. 
Unless I have straight A+'s I won't be able to be happy with myself. 

I find it funny how my last line talks about leaving, I'm really just wanting to leave home not school. As soon as escape my home, I'll simply be going back to school for God knows how long. (I have no idea what I'll go to college for, I'll pick eventually.) 
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:iconmetalclawwarrior:
Metalclawwarrior Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014
I know.. School doesnt help depression
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:iconsarcasticcupcake5:
SarcasticCupcake5 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
*nods in agreement*
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:iconkanade-takasei:
Kanade-Takasei Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Student Artist
I know completely how you feel, I hate school...... but I also don't want o stay home.
It just seems like nothing that happens at school an ever be good.
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:iconsarcasticcupcake5:
SarcasticCupcake5 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Exactly but of course my school is at home, don't want to stay home don't got anywhere else to go.
Packing for Meh Holiday  Shrug 
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:iconkanade-takasei:
Kanade-Takasei Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Student Artist
I'm sorry, that really stinks.
It'll be ok though, stick it out until the end and then you can move away and make it better!
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:iconsarcasticcupcake5:
SarcasticCupcake5 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:D (Big Grin) That's the plan!
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:iconkanade-takasei:
Kanade-Takasei Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Student Artist
Yay!
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:iconthevalkyriebladesman:
I've always had mixed feelings about school. On one hand, learning is amazing. I want to know everything I can about everything I can. But...At least in my school, I don't feel like I'm learning anything. The most I pick up is clarification on a topic I already knew about. So I most certainly know how you feel about not liking school, just for a different reason than yours. I dislike it because it isn't doing its job. I'm not learning there, and so it's worthless to me.
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:iconsarcasticcupcake5:
SarcasticCupcake5 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Exactly, I've had that problem also, my 6th grade teacher read to us in class! A group of sixth graders listening to someone read while they whispered to eachother, drew, or napped! It was ridiculous, not to mention 90% of the things my math teacher taught us I'd already learned. I also like to know everything about everything, but I usually end up relearning things I've know for years.
Hopefully, now a a few years later,I can just learn more things outside of my online school, on my own time.
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:iconthevalkyriebladesman:
Indeed, learning at our own pace, on our own, tends to teach us what we actually what we want to know. I find that pursuing my interests ends up teaching me faster than a class. For instance, a few days ago, I found out about a correlation between finger lengths and testosterone exposure in the womb. How'd I find out? A silly Youtube video trying to discover the gender of an androgynous video game character. Completely random way to learn a new thing, but something that I find insanely interesting.
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