Loving Those Who Overthink or Are Depressed

1) No matter how many times it's necessary, argue. Every time they vent about how hideous, worthless, or moronic they think they are, fight it. Day in and day out, no matter how much they don't believe you, they still want to hear it. They need it, but they won't ask for it.

Maybe once and a while you don't want to start a full on debate. Simply tell them, if they don't tell you, that you don't want to fight again. Just tell them they already know you think they are amazing and move on to talk about more pleasant things. 

2) Try not to leave them upset. Chances are, if they are already upset, it'll just get worse once you leave. If you care enough, they will be smiling before they can stop themselves. It's a five minute effort, but the cheerfulness will stay much longer than that.

3) Don't lie about your own problems. If they are reminded other people have issues too, it will help them confide in you. No one needs to keep things built up. Plus, if they can help you, it will make them feel better too.

4) Let them apologize. Sorry. Sorry, to bother you. Sorry. Sorry I had emotions. Sorry. They will apologize for apologizing, so tread carefully. Telling them there's no need to apologize, could lead to another apology. But apologies are harmless in the end.

They don't want to hurt you. They're tiptoeing carefully through every sentence searching and analyzing, trying to make sure you're not angry or offended. Their mind will make up a problem for them to fret and apologize for. Sorry for being sorry.

5) They will consider themselves a pest, a bother, and a whiner. Let them know it's not a problem. You don't mind chatting. A little negativity is all right because everyone has bad days. It's okay to be human, it doesn't make you needy. Just say anything or give them a hug. (Or cookies, cookies work too.)

6) Don't make promises you can't keep. Life happens, and as an over-thinker, they will have already planned for your disappearance. You won't be around forever. One day the conversation will die, at least a little bit. Don't tell them it won't happen. That type of optimism just isn't going to sit with them.

7) They will feel bad about not feeling bad. It's hard for them to worry you about their problems, only to be perfectly fine the next day. It makes them feel hypocritical. Ironically, feeling happy can cause self-hating thoughts that lead to feeling down again. Its a roller-coaster ride, and they can't get off of it.

8) Never ask them if they want you to stay. The answer is always yes. Either stay or don't, but do not make them send you away. They could be okay until you ask. Just say good-night or good-bye. There's no need to start something. 

9) Even if they think they are, never treat them like they're fragile. Its important to keep in mind how quickly they can go from fine to... well... not fine. That doesn't mean they can't handle a conversation. They can go days without more than a blip. Don't treat them like at any minute they could slip back into being sad. 

There are things you need to remember with everyone you talk to. You don't joke about death with someone who's mom just died and you wouldn't take someone with PTSD to a gun range if you knew they would be back in hell. I'm not saying every situation is the same, but the principle still applies. 

If there is something huge that they don't want to talk about, can't deal with just yet, or makes them upset, just leave that out and continue talking like normal folks. 

10) Not everyone needs to be fixed, and not everyone who does, can be. I'm broken, you may very well be broken, and whoever you were thinking about as you read this could easily be broken. But not everyone can afford to keep buying glue and duct tape and searching for missing pieces. Some people have been knocked to the ground one too many times for someone else to stumble along and try to fit all their pieces back together.